I am feeling somewhat better because I am genuinely trying to trust God and praying that God would remind me of all the things I already know but so easily forget. I have a handy Bible application in my phone that I can tag things in Scripture, and this morning I was looking through the God's provision tags... I came across a tag I had made for Jer. 44:15-19
"15 Then all the men who were aware that their wives were burning sacrifices to other gods, along with all the women who were standing by, as a large assembly, including all the people who were living in Pathros in the land of Egypt, responded to Jeremiah, saying, 16 "As for the message that you have spoken to us in the name of the LORD, we are not going to listen to you! 17 "But rather we will certainly carry out every word that has proceeded from our mouths, by burning sacrifices to the queen of heaven and pouring out drink offerings to her, just as we ourselves, our forefathers, our kings and our princes did in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem ; for then we had plenty of food and we're well off and saw no misfortune. 18 "But since we stopped burning sacrifices to the queen of heaven and pouring out drink offerings to her, we have lacked everything and have met our end by the sword and by famine." 19 "And," said the women, "when we were burning sacrifices to the queen of heaven and were pouring out drink offerings to her, was it without our husbands that we made for her sacrificial cakes in her image and poured out drink offerings to her?"
My note that I wrote in my phone and included w/the tag comes back to haunt me:
"Where they go wrong is in the area of their perceived needs. They have a need which they perceive God is not meeting. They put their hope and trust in an idol rather than waiting on God in faith, thus insulting and besmirching God's character by believing that 1) He won't provide, 2) He can't provide, 3) He is ineffectual, powerless (i.e., even if He wanted to provide the good, He is unable to do so), and/or He doesn't know what He's doing, and 4) He will actively withhold the good. God makes no allowance to recreate who He is, we must by faith accept and receive him for who He is which knowledge can only be found in His Word. If we play God, 'divining' what we think we need and is best, (which by the way, is why God equates "rebellion as the sin of divination" in 1 Sam.) then we will reap bad seed, injure ourselves and suffer loss."
Another passage that really struck me was in Ps. 145:
12 When they were few in number, of little account, and sojourners in it, 13 wandering from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another people, 14 he allowed no one to oppress them; he rebuked kings on their account, 15 saying, "Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm!" 16 When he summoned a famine on the land and broke all supply of bread, 17 he had sent a man ahead of them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. 18 His feet were hurt with fetters; his neck was put in a collar of iron; 19 until what he had said came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him. "
Once again, God himself causes calamity -- He summoned the famine and broke the supply of bread --- ("I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things." Is 45:7) I had to ask myself the question, not only about this, but over and over, "do I believe God?" It is hard to know my own heart, but as much as in my ability to say so, I say yes.
