My Time in Prayer Tonight

I am in NYC with all the world can offer in the way of entertainment, and I have been down on my knees in my hotel room in prayer. I needed to talk to the Lord, and no one could understand but Him. I thought about various seasons of my life...and thanked Him for being my Friend in every season. Tears fill my eyes, as I write about it.

I was not in the lotus position, like our postmodern American culture would recommend for powerful meditation. I wasn't trying to grasp any wavelength of electrons for some sort of "christ consciousness"; it was no spirituality tonight in the hotel room that Oprah would have featured on her program. Nothing strange happened. Nothing, expect a God with a Holy Spirit filling up my heart with love, giving me strength to live for Him, to let me know He knows me and is with me ONCE AGAIN.

I have believed in Him all of my life, really. I understood at the tender age of five that I was not perfect. It was never hard for me to believe in Jesus. Even through the years in the music industry when so many men tried to convince me that perhaps my God was some "fairy tale," and I was missing out on trusting in a god made in my own image, a god who would let me do whatever I wanted. Even then, the Lord kept me. He humbled me by letting me do things I thought I would never do, and He kept me as His own.

So, I thought tonight about all the men I had met who have come along who were never right for me; I thought about how I assumed that by now, at the age of 41, God would have given me someone who was from Him. I was reminded of how FAITHFUL He has been to keep me from the wrong men, and I asked Him once again to be "everything" to me.

For those reading this blog, please don't write me stating, "I am praying you will find the right man." I am so sick of that! :-) I am TRULY sick of that. I just want God to fill up my heart and keep me near the cross, so that I am living the life I was saved to live. In this culture, when you are a Christian, it is sort of like becoming a nun (even when you are not Catholic), because there is such a paucity of Christian men who are appropriate. I know many intelligent, attractive women who feel the same way. My prayer is to live for Jesus without compromise and stay away from the wrong men.

People ask me why I have never been married. I want to tell them that, in this culture, it should be a compliment to a woman's intellect and Christian dedication when she has never been married. It has certainly not been because I have not had opportunities to be married. However, I have never met anyone from the Lord for my life. It is just that simple. I have never had all that falling in love is meant to be with a Christian. (And true intimacy would never come for me any other way.) So, here I am at age 41, happy as can be with Jesus.

There is a chorus I love to sing to Him:

"I sing praises to Your name, O Lord, praises to Your name, O Lord; for Your name is great and greatly to be praised. I sing praises to Your name, O Lord, praises to Your name, O Lord; for Your name is great and greatly to be praised."

I use to sing that to Him in my car, after spending a day at the Venice Beach outreach table, as I drove home listening to that praise chorus on CD. I recall how one guy came up to my table at Venice Beach with his friend and said to his friend (in my presence), "She really believes this?" The friend responded back (in my presence), "Yes, of course, she believes this. She really believes in Jesus." I sat there looking at them in silence with a little smile on my face, as they proceeded to speak about me in my presence. There they stood speculating about my motivation for sitting at a table at Venice Beach, an anomalous outreach of apologetics and evangelism, offering conversation about salvation through Jesus. The Hindu vendors appeared to be no mystery to these men conversing about me. The psychics' faith did not puzzle them from what I could tell. It was my faith in Jesus that was such a conundrum. I didn't see them stopping any of the Hare Krishnas hopping along in the parade either.

I think of the song, Amazing Grace: "Through many dangers toils and snares, I have already come..." There are no "snares" without a moral God. I praise God for making me His own. He is my greatest treasure. I praise Him for filling up my heart with love tonight like nothing else in NYC can offer me. It is because of this love for me that I want to tell others about Him. The mystery is truly not why I would love Him, but why He would love me.

So, it has been a great day in the music studio singing songs about Him and a wonderful night, as I have poured out my heart to a God who cares. And, the strength and the maturity with which He characterizes my life is all because of His wisdom. It is certainly not my own. I hate to think of where I would be without Him. Astral projections, yoga meditations, Buddhist chanting...or "looking within to my own divinity" may produce a power. But, the power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in me, and it is a Power that subjugates all others. I would not trade one day with such a holy God, no matter the cost. His love is worth it.