New Blog Series on How to be Happy and Single

(Caveat: As I just read through this, I felt it important to add, I WANT TO SHOW MERCY TO YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE ON THE JOURNEY, just like the mercy others have shown to me through seasons of intense pain. I want to meet you right where you are. No one is perfect, and I am certainly not perfect, but God has healed me deeply, and I want to share with single people what I have learned about being happy on my own. This blog is about being single and happy. If, by some miracle, I ever do get married, believe me, I will love him with all of my heart and be writing about how much men need respect and women need to be cherished, etc. This blog is in celebration of the fact that my happiness is not "on hold" until that day comes, and I have gotten to the place where I am not even expecting it to come, happy on my own.)

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I am not sure what I am going to call this blog series. For now, I will call it "How to Be Happy and Single." It is dedicated to all of the single people I meet who are SO lonely and empty just "waiting" and "waiting" for their "dreams to come true."

Maybe I will call the series "Stop Waiting!" This series is going to be about waking up and making the most of a beautiful life God has given us, self-pity is out to rob. There is no time for self-pity in the land of happiness, and we can choose to wallow in what we don't have or focus on what we do have, WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT.

Tip #1 for women: DON'T LET YOURSELF GO

Today, on the first day of this series, I want to write to women. We have been made by God to be nurturing and caring beings, and we have needs men don't have. (Of course, they have needs we don't have.) We have to learn to care for ourselves.

I recently lived in NYC, and I would walk down the street and have men stop me and tell me I looked good. With sadness deep within, I would force a smile and say, "Thank you," walking right on about my way. I thought, "God, what good does it do to look good without the right man? I have no one for whom to look good. There is no one for me, as my life is passing me by." In brokenness I would continue to silently pray, "I love you, Lord, and You are enough."

It was safe to assume that the vast majority of men in NYC did not share my beliefs in Jesus and would not find me compatible on the inside. What was I supposed to do, interview the men about whether or not they believed in Jesus right there on the sidewalk? Especially if the men looked good to me, I would keep on walking, realizing that I don't need the temptation, deciding to wait on someone whose character is already built in confidence in God, not the "average Joe."
So, I would go on about my way in sadness within. As time passed, guess what? I have learned THAT I DRESS UP FOR MYSELF AND FOR GOD'S GLORY AND NOT FOR THE ATTENTION OF ANY MALE. I DRESS WELL AND KEEP MYSELF UP, BECAUSE THIS IS PART OF WHO I AM. WHEN A MAN THINKS I LOOK PRETTY, I CAN APPRECIATE THAT AND ENJOY THE COMPLIMENT, SEEING MYSELF LIKE A PIECE OF BEAUTIFUL ART GOD HAS MADE. In other words: we don't look good for men. We look good because we are women and want to be the best we can be for God's glory. (More to come on the importance of not misleading any man or being a silly "flirt" in character. It is not becoming on a woman.)

And what are we missing out on by not settling for less than God's standard in the line of men? NOTHING! A lot of crying and pain in the end. So, let's keep the standard high (even if the standard is so high it seems there is no one to meet it!) Men don't exist to get on our nerves, and they don't exist for us to worship. They are just men. (I will be writing more to women about what to do when men want to be "just friends" with us taking us out on dates "as friends." I will be defining what it means to "date", and how we must have boundaries, so no one will be misled. :-)

To all of the women out there: it will make you feel good when you look good, so let's NOT let ourselves go. It is the best gift we can give to ourselves as women to be the best we can be.

Tip #2 for women: BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND

MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF AND ENJOY WHO YOU ARE, NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT ANY MAN THINKS. Enjoy pretty clothes. Take yourself out. Become your own best friend.

If someone comes your way untrustworthy...if you would not want your best friend to be with such a man, you should care about yourself enough to take yourself away from him. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one will (except for God who intervenes on our behalf to keep us in a long term safe place even when we set out in another direction!)

If I could choose between remianing a size 2 or a man, I would choose remaining a size 2. (We don't have to be a certain size to be happy, but we do need to feel good about ourselves. For me, fitting in my clothing brings me happiness, and I have found that being thin feels better than any food tastes. I will write more on that at a later date.) The wrong man can totally rob us of our peace and happiness. WE CANNOT TAKE FOR GRANTED the peace to not overeat, not drink, not shop too much, not get in debt...because this feedom is a gift from God. The church is filled with people reaching out to be filled in all of the wrong directions. The ground is level at the foot of the cross, and no one is better than anyone else. It is time to "get real" and get serious about a precious life God has given us the enemy is out to destroy.

Years ago when I was in the music industry and in a very deep valley, I would pray to God about areas of my life. He let me know through His Spirit that He knows "why" we sin. He wants to heal the "why."

So, if you are reading this and not happy without a man, God knows why. He wants to heal that. If you turn to any substance or compulsive behavior when lonely or uncomfortable to heal and ease pain, God knows why. The only way He can heal the reasons we sin is to "stop it" and allow ourselves to feel the intense pain behind such idols of the heart. This includes relationships.

All of this healing does not come overnight. Sanctification is God's work, and He has a timing for every good thing. JUST FOR TODAY, RENEW YOUR MIND IN THE TRUTH AND PRAY FOR GOD TO HELP YOU BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. (And, if you are a Christian, that can defintely not happen without abiding in Jesus.)

Get the support you need to stop behaving in a way that is harmful to yourself, realizing that what God calls "sin" is also known as "death." It is LIFE to our souls to live according to the Bible, and God wants to show us how. Please join me on this narrow road of LIFE, because it is better than any other way!

I speak with Christians all the time who know Jesus but are extremely unhealthy. If we don't want to be like that, we have to make a decision to give up the pity party, grow up, and become the best women we can be, one day at a time. We cannot do this in our own strength. God is at work to make us who He saved us to be, and He has given us the gift of walking together by His Spirit on this wonderful journey. Yes, we have an enemy, but "no temptation has overtaken you..." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Please visit my blog as I will be sharing how God is teaching me to live this, in the joy of letting Him be my all in all.

"For now we REALLY live, if you stand firm in the Lord." (1 Thess. 3:8)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm in the Lord and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)

Fleeing idolatry (1 Corinthians 10:14) and HAPPY,

Dwayna