Not Serving "Two Masters"

Since I began writing on my blog about being "happy and single", it is obviously no secret that I have been happy in my work and trying not to think about what I don't have but focus on all I do. That being understood, I wanted to write about a temptation and a victory that came my way just over this Memorial Day weekend. (I am writing about this, because my heart means more to God than the "table outreaches.")

Here I have been working hard, feeling close to God and focused totally on all He has for me to do in this ministry, when out of the blue a man got in touch with me I have known since about the time I moved here in 2009. He used to be my neighbor in my condo building. He wanted to let me know that he has never met anyone like me...he has misssed me as his friend....and even told me that he loves me. He said, "I have some vacation time, and I want to take you on a trip for a week. I will get you your own room." He wanted to take me to a beautiful place, and it was a place I had never been. I said, "I don't think so, because I know that we are not right for each other, and I am never going to marry you. Not only do we not share faith in Jesus, but there are other reasons why you know and I know that we are not meant to be in a serious relationship." He asked me to think about going on the trip with him anyway.

So, I prayed about it down on my knees yesterday, realizing that I really would like to go to the place he offered to take me, yet I wanted to please God. Even though he said I would have my own room, it did not sound right to me, and I had no peace about it when I prayed.

I even woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking about it. I thought of someone I knew while I lived in CA who spoke about how much she had "lived" by having relationship after relationship with men. I found myself thinking about how I have never been on a trip with a man in my whole life, as if I should have by now. I don't think it is right outside of marriage, and I have not met anyone I feel is God's will for me to marry. Have men asked to take me on trips? Of course, but I have never spent a straight week with a man anywhere, by God's grace, and I always wanted to wait for that, to be able to tell my husband that I had waited on him.

I found myself thinking I could handle going on this trip with this man and keep everything platonic, but I asked God to help me know for sure about what I was meant to do. After all, I wanted to go to this place! Yet, I also knew that I have no business getting so close, even emotionally, to a man I know I will never marry. I thought about the possibility of feeling too close to him by the time the week was over, having no doubt that I am not meant to marry him. Yet, the trip still had an appeal to me.

I went to church today, and the pastor spoke from Matthew 6: 24: "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and dispise the other." The pastor went on to teach about the next few verses, but in my heart, I stopped there.

I realized that all of these years the reason I have never taken trips with any man is because Jesus is my Master. I could not have gone on those trips without hurting the Lord, so I chose to do the right thing (which I am sure saved myself from hurt.) At the end of the sermon, we all closed our eyes and sang, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." My heart was so full of love, and I knew what to do. As I sang, "...And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace," I realized I did not need this place, where the guy was offering to take me. It would not be worth the cost of going. Staying close to Jesus in a place of peace is the only place for me.

So, I came home today and called the man and said, "I just want you to know I have prayed about going with you on your vacation, and I cannot do it. It would not be okay with God, and it would hurt me in the end." He understood. I hung up the phone and cried, because temptation is just that--we are tempted by something we don't already have and want, or it would not be a temptation. I actually wanted to go to this place more than I wanted to be with this man (I thought), but he is very charming, and I realized I was definitely putting my heart in harm's way if I had gone. (In the past, I got hurt by being involved with him.) I told this man I did not feel comfortable doing things with him "as friends" because of an attraction with no depth. It was best for us both to stay away, but I thanked him for all the kind things he said. I hung up and cried and told God that I love Him, and though it hurts to obey, 'far away from temptation' is the safest and happiest place on earth for me.

I look around at a beautiful loft God has given me here in Atlanta. It is not that big of a place, but it is really pretty with a view of downtown Atlanta, and I realized that the enemy of my soul will always be there to offer me "more". Yet, I have all I need and so much more already in all that Jesus has done for me and keeps on doing in my heart.

"If anyone sins he is a slave to sin." John 8:34

Jesus is a kind Master who truly does give me "life more abundant" with rewards like peace in my heart. With obedience, though it is painful, I get to live a life of no compulsion for people or things that are not good for me. He fills up my empty heart with food that satisfies my soul. He makes me glad. And, He keeps on proving that He is not just my Master but my Friend.

People write me on a regular basis and say, "I am praying for you," or they will ask, "How can I pray for you?" I guess I am writing about this today to thank anyone who prays for me and to ask them to always pray for my heart to be close to God, and for Him to rescue me from any temptation. Satan does not care about the "table outreaches". It is our zeal for Jesus that would make us ever want to set up a table to offer free Bibles and share the Gospel that he hates. Satan is the enemy of mankind, and he hates the Gospel of Jesus that can take people away from their "father the devil" (John 8:44). I have an enemy, but no matter how he tries, he will never have me. Thanks for the prayers!

All because of Jesus,
Dwayna