This letter comes from a woman who used to be involved in the lesbian lifestyle. We now use her testimony on DVD and booklet format in our outreach locations. She read this letter in italics below, and as I read it I thought of myself. It made me want to keep on living for Jesus, despite the pain involved. We are all not so different after all. We do have a message of hope to share as God meets us in our neediness and draws us close to Him through a living Savior who has bore our pain..., and it is the best life possible of no shame. If more of us "lived it," we could more confidently encourage others. So many of us are missing out on the TRUE life God has for us due to compromise, so we have no testimony of encouragement for others, only defeat. This testimony below encourages me to live a pure life, no matter the cost.
“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort, wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” II Corinthians 1:3 & 4
As many of you know, I have received the comfort of the Lord after being afflicted with the thorn, the struggle of homosexuality, for many years. But God in His mercy used this thorn to bring me to the feet of Jesus, showing me my desperate need for redemption and instruction to walk in the newness of life daily (Galatians 2:20, Ephesians 4:22-24).
It is my desire now to comfort others (like this young struggler – see his italicized note) as God has comforted me.
Hello Christian, I am gay. And I love Jesus Christ so much. I speak of His Word whenever I get the chance to. What really ticks me off is that it’s easy to point fingers at someone. But unless you have gone through it yourself, you will never understand. I’m aware of the texts in the Bible where God says homosexuality is an abomination. But what if I was born this way? As a young innocent child, how am I supposed to understand? I feel convicted all the time when I sin. Just not about this. I can’t help what I feel. I like guys, that is who I am attracted to. I don’t like girls at all. They disgust me. In the Bible it does say it is wrong to lie with a male. Till this day, I am confused about this whole issue. I believe a person can change through God’s help. God can break any bondage. But if I allow God to change me from being gay, then I am not being true to myself. Then I won’t be happy. All I want from this life is for me to make my Lord Jesus Christ happy, but also me as well. There’s been so many times when I wanted to commit suicide because I didn’t want to hurt God or my family by being gay. And I still feel this way and I am only 17. I am praying that God shows me the desires of my heart. And whatever His will is for me, I will agree with it. I am single. But I want to meet a male who is on fire for God, and agrees that God is the only way. How am I sinning if I am doing what God asks of me?
I knew I was different since I was in the first grade. All I am saying is maybe we misunderstand homosexuality. There is a difference from people who choose it, and people like me who remain close to God, but just love differently. What if in the Bible God meant people who were promiscuous… when He said a man shall not lie with another male. And there is a lot of guys who just have sexual relations. And I think that is VERY WRONG. I am not trying to change any word in the Bible. I would never do that. And I am not trying to create my own rules. My, I am a bit confused on the whole subject only because I feel the Bible is talking about “homosexual sexuality.” And if I am living an only lustful life, but rather a Godly Christian life, just loving differently, then how am I sinning? What if the texts we read about in the Bible on homosexuality, we are misunderstanding? I just don’t know. I mean, what would you do if you were in my shoes? You must see it from my point of view. I am not here to disrespect you or say you are wrong. I just want you to understand me. I am also here for advice. Please don’t say that I am lost or am confused. People tend to tell me that. But I am quite aware of the position I am in. God lives in me, He works in me. I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I want to live eternally with Jesus Christ more than anything. But after all of this discussion and talk about homosexuality, it then again makes me question. Can I be the Christian boy that I am, and live a Godly life… but also be in a committed loving relationship with another male? And still make it to heaven? That’s all I want. And you (pastors, teachers) are pretty much saying, NO. So therefore that hurts me now because I know for one, I might not ever be fully happy. I don’t want to be celibate forever. But I would never ever reject God. I just want to live a life pleasing to God. And you are saying I can’t if I am gay. Well then, what am I supposed to do? Why would God allow me or any other born again Christian who is gay or lesbian go to hell? I believe God looks at the heart! I am clear that God knows me and sees my heart is devoted to Him. But I don’t like woman and I don’t want to be with one. I can’t help my attractions. I’m just like you, but the only difference is I like males instead. Is that really a big deal? People turn it into a big deal. I am just giving my own opinion. It hurts me when people continue to make me feel so bad about feeling a certain way that I was born with, without understanding how I feel. Just try to understand what I go through. I pray every day that this wicked world turns to God before it is too late. And I pray He continues to work in me, and live in me forever and give me the courage to see things clearer. Please see eye to eye with me, Christian leader. I respect you as a Christian brother. But please fully investigate what I have told you about so I can see a brighter picture. I guess you could say I am confused about the whole thing. But I just want to be happy and I want to make God happy.
I so much understand him and God has given me “the advice” (a listening ear, an understanding heart and the ability to impart the Word of truth) he is seeking. How many others like this young man are struggling in silence or are receiving the deceptive pro-gay messages? Jennifer Knapp, a successful Christian music artist, came out as a Christian lesbian on Larry King Live recently. She loves God and is gay. How many homosexual strugglers watched that show and were encouraged to walk away from what the Word of God says and follow their feelings?
The Lois Wilson story, a Hallmark movie that recently aired, stirred my heart and soul to do ministry even more. Although I don’t agree with everything about Alcoholics Anonymous, it was very evident that the best person to minister to an alcoholic is a former alcoholic. The same goes for same sex strugglers.
...Some of these materials are being used by Lighting The Way ministries, in Atlanta, GA, Los Angeles and San Diego. Anyone is welcome to a free copy. You are also welcome to visit my blog: http://sharinglightinthemidstofdarkness.blogspot.com/
I don’t believe that I wrestled with this issue for over 17 years of my life for nothing. “God, here am I, send me” – to those who are struggling, those held captive, but yet are seeking freedom from their thorn of sexual brokenness.
The Body of Christ is encouraged to work together for the goal of glorifying Christ, meeting the needs of the rest of the body and taking care of the least of these (Matthew 25:40). I am excited to watch what God does through His Body.
Because of His severe mercy,
Mary
