Thinking About my "First Love" Tonight

In the book of Revelation, Jesus is referred to as "your First Love."

He is so much better than my "first love" at age 19. Just looking at this video takes me back to a place of "falling in love" with someone who had the coldest heart I have ever known. I had the privilege of getting to know his former wives, and calling this man an abusive "monster" would not be overstating his character, physically beating them and having affairs on them. He even referred to people as "earthlings," because he considered himself so above them, as a student of Scientology. He told me he wanted to marry me and that he loved me, and he convinced me it was true with hypnotic charm. He lied from start to finish and left me brokenhearted. He was only playing me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R3sj4v4RtA

He was never my First Love after all.

It has not been so easy getting to this place of letting God be everything to me, but He has done it. He is my First Love tonight, and I am so much at peace.

(By the way, I have no desire to name other men I have dated on this blog as I ponder what exactly "love" means. It is just that this man has a whole list of women, many of whom I have met, who have said to me, "He hurt me, too," with no sign whatsoever of remorse from him. If he saw this post, and I am sure he never will, he would feel no remorse. I realize he is a public figure, and I have never written about it or said anything publicly about it until now. One of his wives was featured on the cover of a magazine against domestic violence years ago after he beat her, so his character has been no public secret, with him in and out of rehab centers for cocaine. One good thing I can say about him is at least he did not profess to be a Christian. I did not know anything about apologetics back then. In hindsight, this guy thought he was a god!)

He wrote the most beautiful songs. It was a "Welcome to Nashville" encounter for me, and I have not spoken to him or seen him since I was 20. If only this man could see me now with a peace he has never known within, moving on from "his territory" of music...to singing praises about a true Love who rescues me from counterfeits.

It is cold-hearted the way some people "love." In one tender moment this man looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You need a lot of emotion." It was as if he could easily manufacture that for me. He could tell I "needed" love.

I could not even watch this video, but the song is correct. No one can love me like Jesus. He was my First Love all along.

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(Actually, I did just go back to watch the whole video, and I clapped at the end. What an "emotional" performance. Gotta hand it to him, he was quite an operator.)