Giving Him My Heart

I had a great time in prayer tonight. I got down on my knees beside my bed in my hotel room here in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, and the first words out of my mouth were, "Lord, I give You my heart." I had to pause at the seriousness of that. While it feels good to give God my heart, and while He is there to comfort and make me strong, there is always a little hurt and "dying" to go along with giving Him my heart, because giving God my heart is so very costly. I told Him, "The world is never going to love me," and I know it is true. It won't love me IF I am living for Jesus the way I was saved to live for Him. I'll never fit in completely in this world, because of His precious Spirit in me.

I am praying that tomorrow's interview will go well. It will go well if it can draw people to Jesus, and they can see His love through me. If God should grant me this, I won't deserve it-- the high honor of being used of God

Some people may think that "being used of God" means doing loving things. It may mean being a good Buddhist or Mormon or whatever someone chooses to be, as if all roads lead to "God." (Satan really likes it when someone does not know the difference between Jesus and all the other fallen "saviors" like Mohammed, etc.!)

But, to the Christian "being used of God" means dying. We die, so that Jesus can live through us. I realize that IF I live such a life, the world won't understand me, and the world won't love me. IF I hate a lie and love the truth to the point of standing against one and standing up for another, it will cost relationships I could have if I just didn't love Jesus (and His Holy Spirit of truth and righteousness, which "does not rejoice in evil.") If I don't live for what people think of me, they may not appreciate all that God has done in me, and they may misunderstand and view me as not "enough."

But, when I bow before Jesus, the God who has known me all my life who has known my best days and my worst, I have not one thing on earth to "prove" to Him. He knows and understands me so well. When I bow before Jesus, I realize I truly am complete, lacking in no good thing, and it is enough. His love is enough.

I prayed that the Lord will keep me in such a place like only He can. Tomorrow is in His hands. I am hoping that the interview will be something this ministry can use as I share about how much God has done in my life and the joy--and depth and cost and reward--- of letting God be "everything" to me. What an honor for God to want to be everything to us! He wants us to need Him intensely and run to Him with our every feeling. No one on earth can offer such an intimate relationship, and no one on earth can replace it. This is why marriage ordained by God is such a godly institution. It is a running picture of how Christ loves the church, His bride, and how the bride loves Christ. I do know some people who show me this example in their marriages, and it is beautiful. I know far more people who are unhappily married.

It is freezing here in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, with snow on the ground as I sit in my warm hotel room, but I don't feel lonely tonight. I have all I need to be happy and more....

In Jesus,

Dwayna